One month ago I fell. It was a nasty fall. I tripped on uneven sidewalk in Brooklyn. It was a real bummer because I had just enjoyed a delicious vegan lunch at Wild Ginger with a friend.
OUCH!
My left knee broke my fall. I couldn’t move. I was scared. I had to be taken by ambulance to the hospital. X-rays revealed a fractured kneecap.
The next morning the orthopedist explained I needed surgery to put my kneecap back together. I kind of felt like Humpty Dumpty. And I was scared.
My husband was a sweetheart and picked up some green juice for my post-surgery drink. I was in a lot of pain and the reality of my imminent future was beginning to settle in. 6-8 weeks of an ankle-to-thigh brace and crutches.
I was in a fog the first week after surgery. One of my sisters came to keep me company and help me get around. I slept a lot and watched mindless television. The second week I began to come out of the “fog” funk but then fell into an “I’m not doing enough” funk. I was alone in the apartment all day, thinking about all the work I wasn’t doing. My mind went to, “If I were really committed, I’d get this done…or that done.” [Really committed? I LOVE what I do. I am 200% committed to Bravo! Wellness!] The reality was, I was spent. Exhausted. Still in a little pain (thank goodness it had subsided a bit). I couldn’t concentrate. Could not focus. My heart wanted me to, but my head couldn’t do it.
There were tears. I was feeling less than, not enough, inadequate. And I wanted chocolate. And potato chips. I’m lying around and I want to stuff my face with junk food. Part of me just didn’t care. I felt like an oompa-loompah so why not just add to it?
It’s times like this when I’m so grateful I have a coach. Someone I can trust to to tell me the truth. She talked me through what was going on, what I was feeling and reminded me that I’m a health coach. I inspire, educate and empower individuals to focus on their self-care. Why was berating myself for being human?
I knew that junk food was not the answer. The good news was I couldn’t go out to get any, so it wasn’t readily available. But I also had to understand that it was more than that. I had to honor my health and well-being, despite the unhealthy, post-surgery feeling. I took a deep breath. “Relax,” I told myself. “It will all be OK.” Yes, I really believed that, but hour by hour as I sat in my apartment, it was really frustrating.
And then, the A-HA moment!
I had to take control. I couldn’t get to networking events. I couldn’t go to luncheons and events. I could clean my apartment. I don’t mean clean as in dirt; that’s not an issue. I mean clean as in de-clutter. Get rid of. I knew there was way too much in my apartment – like a year’s worth of O, The Oprah Magazine. A year’s worth of Yoga Journal. I love these magazines and enjoy reading them. But I do not need 12 issues of each on the bookshelf. No, no, no! There’s so much more that I just don’t need. And, I began to see how the STUFF was holding me back. I was sabotaging my growth with things – papers, books, CDs, binders full of material I was never going to have time to go through, pens (!), and so much more.
The purging has begun and I’m feeling SOOOO much better. The knee is still in the brace. I’m still really uncomfortable. But I do feel like I’m moving forward.
I will share more about my plan. Yes, I’ve got a plan for the de-clutter process. I’m taking it seriously. Mark my words, I’m not turning 50 in (now less than) two years and still talking about clutter. Fractured kneecap or no fractured kneecap. Not gonna happen. #2TO50
