Not Good Enough (no more)

How do I procrastinate? Let me count the ways. Hmmm, no, I really don’t want to count the ways. Counting the ways I procrastinate is like going to the doctor and saying I’ve got a headache and stomach pains and waiting for a prescription to make me feel better. It doesn’t matter how I procrastinate, the more important issue is: why do I do it?

I want to be perfect. I’m addicted to not feeling good enough. Please understand, as someone who has suffered through an eating disorder, I don’t use the word addicted lightly. Not feeling good enough is an all-consuming feeling that works its way into every fiber of my being and affects everything I do…or don’t do. My a-ha moment!

When I procrastinate, it’s not because I don’t want to do a task. I don’t procrastinate because I’d rather do something else. I don’t procrastinate because I’m tired or hungry. I procrastinate because I’m afraid of the final outcome. What if it’s not perfect? What if I fail?

Ironically, over the weekend, when I was contemplating what I would write in this post, I flipped to a page in a new book I’m reading, The Wealthy Spirit by Chellie Campbell. My understanding is you are supposed to read the entries in order, 1-365, as each day builds upon the previous entries. At the moment I opened the book, however, I wasn’t reading to absorb a message. I just wanted to see the kinds of lessons I’d be learning along the journey.

Rejection (the title of the entry) screamed at me from the top of the page. Below, there was a quote from Jack Canfield: “There’s a four-letter word you must use when you get rejected…NEXT!” First, chills engulfed my body. Then, I started to cry. Thank you, Jack, I really needed that! It is so hard to believe Chicken Soup for the Soul was rejected by 33 New York publishers before going on to sell more than 50 million books. Or that Alex Haley received 200 rejection letters before Roots became a best-seller. Seriously?! Can you imagine thinking of Jack Canfield and Alex Haley as failures because of all those rejection letters, because someone didn’t think their writing was good enough?

I’ve wanted to concentrate more on my blog, writing entries every day and sharing information I know can empower others to live their best lives. And yet, I’ve procrastinated because I was waiting for everything to be perfect. More irony here – I’m not even sure what that “perfect” would look like. No grammatical errors? 1,000,000 readers? Dozens of comments? THE story that would change the world? People wouldn’t reject what I wrote? Honestly, I don’t know.

What I do know is that I am committed to my continued growth and supporting others to be their healthiest and happiest and feeling fulfilled in all their endeavors. I know that life is a precious gift and that living it to the fullest each and every day is a beautiful way to be. After all, we are human be-ings.

Here’s to our best lives! Let’s not procrastinate a minute longer 🙂