To Be or Not to Be…..Perfect

All of my anxiety about being perfect and all of my fears about making mistakes seemed to flash before my eyes in a moment on June 2. The Detroit Tigers pitcher, Armando Galarraga, was one out away from pitching a perfect game and being a part of the record books. Galarraga pitches, batter hits, first baseman fields the ball and throws to Galarraga (now covering first base), who catches the ball with his foot on the base. OUT! Perfect game! NOT – Umpire Jim Joyce calls the runner safe.

The television replays clearly showed the runner was out, and, indeed, Galarraga had pitched a perfect game. But, television replays do not count in baseball (except for disputed home runs), so Galarraga went back to the mound and pitched to the next batter who grounded out, and the game was over. A perfect game that wasn’t.

My heart went out to Galarraga. So close, and yet so far. He did everything he could have possibly done to be perfect, but he will not officially be recognized as perfect. I also felt so badly for Jim Joyce. He admitted his mistake after the game, with dignity, but it was too late to take back his call at first base for the record books. Joyce made a mistake that millions of people around the world would see and criticize.

I started thinking, what does it mean to be perfect? How important is it to me to be considered perfect by others? How important is it to me to know I did the best I could have possibly done? The answers to these questions depend on at what point in my life I address the issues.

Throughout my childhood, I strove for perfection – straight As on my report card, 100% on a test, award recognition, etc. When I fell short, I would cry. I would tell myself I not only wasn’t perfect, but also that I wasn’t good enough. I believed that my friends and classmates were smarter than me, which, to me, meant they were better than me. I would tell myself I had to work harder and do more, which caused great anxiety.

I carried this need to be perfect into my adult life. When I started working, I wondered if my job was better than someone else’s. When things were going well, I’d tell friends about my “perfect” job. When I was upset with goings on at the office, I’d explain that it was “part of the job and it would get better,” because I didn’t want others to think I didn’t have a “perfect” job.

Once again, this need to be perfect made me feel anxious inside, which then caused me to worry about how I looked on the outside. Was my skin clear? Did I look fat? Was my hair OK? Did my make-up look good? Essentially, I was so concerned with how others saw me [translation: feeling judged by others], I wasn’t even aware of whom I was anymore.

Fortunately for me, I embarked on a wellness journey with amazing, nurturing coaches who helped me to find “me.” Think Glinda, the good witch, telling Dorothy she had had the power to go home all the while as she traveled through Oz.

Now, when I wonder about being perfect, or think about how important is it to me to be considered perfect by others, my answer is very different from “before” my wellness journey. As I travel the path of self-care and well-being, I do set an intention to do my best and be my best at every turn. The difference is now I don’t rely on others to determine if I’m perfect or if I did my best, I review my actions and my results and ascertain if I could have done anything differently.

And when I think about the baseball game on June 2, I wonder about what was going through the minds of Galarraga and Joyce in the same moment that affected me so deeply. I admire them both. Galarraga, for seemingly not being focused on being perfect in the minds of others, and Joyce, for not being afraid to admit a mistake.

Next Steps:

1. Allow yourself some quiet time to think about how you act every day – with family, on the job, with friends, etc.
2. Carry a small notebook, or a stack of index cards, with you and jot down moments when you find yourself feeling judged by others, when you feel “less than” because you’ve made a mistake, etc.
3. Also in this notebook or on the cards, celebrate your achievements. Right down the moments when you feel empowered to make decisions based on your true beliefs.
4. Once a week, review the notes to yourself and begin to see if/how perfectionism is present in your life.
5. Visit my blog where I have posted resources and books to read if you believe “being perfect” is taking over your life.

These steps will empower you to take action to live a healthy, fulfilled life. If you are concerned about your nutrition and lifestyle routines and know you want to do things differently so you can be your best every day without worry about the judgment of others, contact me, or call 917-603-2318. At Bravo! Wellness, I work with my clients to create manageable lifestyle changes so they are able to achieve their greatest potential in their professional and personal lives. Start living your best life today! I’m here to support you.